Main Series Kitty BITE Back Episode 11: I Need A Doctor.. Doctor.. Not DOCTRINE, liMes-and FU for it

HEYYOO!! I know, I know, I’ve fallen off the bandwagon with my writing. I have been going through a lot and I have really been putting off writing. BUTTT!!! Here I am with a charged tablet, weed, and some good company. So here we go!

So, we are working our way through the BITE Model as described by SAH; and, we are on component 9: “major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet”. This is one of the components, in my opinion, that is the hardest to see for yourself; because, it’s all disguised as “self help, introspection, finding the truth, being diligent...” I think you get the picture. These things are NOT BAD in nature, is the thing. We need to learn self help skills to take care of ourselves. Introspection is an extremely valid form of intense refection that we should all be doing when we learn hard lessons. We all want to find the truth, whatever it is; we always are searching- rather it be through science or religion. When we are diligent we are holding firm to our goals and beliefs; and, we must hold the fight for ourselves. So, tell me, where is the line in the sand? Where is the boundary we cross when we say that “self help” now becomes self indoctrination? When does “introspection” become being spoon fed doctrine that we are just overlapping with our own lives? How does searching for truth in this world lead to finding yourself in an echo chamber? How diligent can one be without sacrificing their sense of self?

STORY TIME!

So this component includes indoctrination using the internet; however, the internet is “of the devil” according to the cult I grew up in so I willi not be using any internet examples here. This does not; however, mean that other destructive cults don’t use the internet to indoctrinate. Take Heaven’s Gate for example; they “technically” ended in 1997 but they still have an up and operating website. (Some things never die I guess)

When I was in the cult, there was over 20+ hours a week of group indoctrination: through services, prayer groups/days and worship. This would ONLY be true is we weren’t scheduled to go to other cult’s services or holding revivals. Weeks were those things were scheduled could lead up to 50+ hours a week of group indoctrination. Group indoctrination looked different each time; but, we cycled through the same few “types” of indoctrination. I came up with these types just based off of the 1,000’s of services that I attended.

1. Testimony Service: Aprox. once a week we would have testimony services. We would start the service as usual with about an hour of intense worship (music, singing, clapping, dancing, leaping, etc...) and then the cult leader would tell his testimony (which lasted about 1-1.5 hours). He would tell his story about being in a gang in Cincinnati, OH and how he had murdered people (I feel like I’ve told y’all this story-maybe not I don’t know) and how he didn’t go to prison for it because “Jesus saved him so he could save us”. After this, we would each take turns telling our “testimony”- generally about how we ”got saved” or about something that happened that week that we need to thank god for publicly. Everyone regardless of age was expected to testify (if you could speak-you’re testifying). These services lasted hours and most times I would be reprimanded for not standing up and testifying about “what the lord has done for me”. One time when I didn’t want to testify (I was 14 years old), The cult leader stood on the pew beside where I was sitting and he shoved a microphone in my mouth while “speaking in tongues”. When I didn’t want to testify he grabbed my face by my chin and shook my face until I chipped a tooth on the microphone that was in my mouth. After all the testimonies, the musicians (myself included at times- because I played the flute for the cult) would play sad, weepy, intensely emotional songs for about an hour so that those who needed to repent and pray had background music to do so.

2. Doctrine Services: Aprox. twice a week we would have doctrine services. These services started the same with about an hour of intense worship (music, singing, clapping, dancing, leaping, etc...) and then we would all be asked to stand and turn to a specific passage in the KJV of the Bible (the only book allowed to be read in the cult). He would read the first verse and then in order from the front left to the back right we would each read a verse. Sometimes this lasted a few minutes; but, sometimes we it would last up to an hour of standing and reading scripture in a round fashion. After this we would be permitted to sit. For a few hours after we had read the scriptures he would “interpret” what the teachings were saying and how this applies to our lives and our membership within the cult. This is where all the screaming and trauma is the most intense (for me at least). After this he will have convinced someone (usually a young vulnerable woman- ie. MEEEEEE) that they are in jeopardy of loosing there place in heaven and burning in hell for an eternity because they aren‘t following the standards set forth by the cult leader for the members- as explained by the last 3+ hours of indoctrination.

3. Worship Services: Aprox. once a week we would have worship services. These services are the typical services you see on YouTube and hear about when you gossip about the “holy rollers” and shit. This is when you see all the intense anointing, dancing, shaking, convulsing, speaking in tongues, and all the craziness. These services tend to last a really long time. Generally ending in lots of crying, hugging, and a low, somber-like vibe.

***Don’t forget before each of these services there is mandatory prayer***

Rituals in the cult are something that have been interpreted from the KJV of the Bible and are being practiced by the cult. When I was in the cult there were a few rituals that we would do to:

1. New Years- We would have an all day service on New Years Eve that people would bring food to. We would have 2 main services that lasted 5+ hours and we would have a meal break in between. Imagine all these crockpots plugged up with yummy southern food in the room next door. You can smell that shit, and it smells good! But towards the middle of the service he would pop off about how if you can smell the food next door that you‘re unholy and here for the wrong reasons and need to repent *insert all the hysterics*. But after the second service that day, we would all wash each others feet in one of those plastic bins from the dollar store. The women would then dry the congregation’s feet off with their hair (gross, right?). This was to signify a cleansing. Then we would have prayer from 11:30pm-12:30am to “pray in the new year”.

2. Major Holidays- We had services on all major holidays. This was to make sure you weren’t out celebrating something like Christmas or Easter (holidays not recognized by the cult).

3. Holy Ghost Birthdays- Once you received the holy ghost, it was a known practice in the cult that you shed your “worldly birthday” and only recognize your “holy ghost birthday”. This was to be taken as far as denouncing your actual birthday and using your “holy ghost birthday” in the outside world.

4. Passover- On Passover we would have communion with real wine. The only people allowed to take communion are those that have been baptized in Jesus name and hilled with the Holy Spirit (regardless of age).

There wasn’t much self indoctrination taking place. Unless you account for how your leisure and vacation time is filled with listening only to media produced by the cult. Which, is- i guess, a form of self indoctrination.

This one was a lot of technical shit to tell y’all. So, please don’t get bored with me just yet- plenty of shit to come.

Are you or someone you know being manipulated through group/self indoctrination and rituals? Does anyone or any group come to mind when you read this? If so, please, get as far away from the group as possible. Call me, the police, or someone you trust; especially of you or someone else is in danger.

Until the doctors of the doctrine can cure the world of the curse that is cults and religion, none of us are exempt.