Main Series: Kitty BITE Back Episode 5: IT'S MY PARTY, liMes, AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO, DAMN IT!!!

Hey ALL!! I sincerely hope that you have gotten caught up on this series because we are in full swing of just the beginnings of what SAH has to say about Behavioral Control; but, that also means we are just at the beginnings of the stories I have to tell about my experiences in a cult in rural Kentucky. So, YOU KNOW HOW WE DO ITTTT*** Let’s go!

I have the perfect opportunity to *CUE SALT-N-PEPA*

“LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY!“

https://youtu.be/FrUpX4ooawE

The 3rd component of Behavioral Control as described in the BITE Model by SAH is “When, how and with whom the member has sex”. Disgusting... right?

1. WHEN the member has sex- Can the members have sex before marriage? Can they have sex while a member is on their period?

2. HOW the member has sex- Are there any banned sexual positions? What about oral sex? Or anal sex? Can the members rape other members? Or rape non members?

3. WITH WHOM the member has sex- Can members of the same sex, have sex? Can members and non-members have sex? Can members have sex with children? Animals?

STORY TIME!

• This is honestly one of the most disgusting episodes that I will cover in this series. It’s a very touchy subject for me; and honestly, this is going to be hard to write about. Let’s start by just covering the basic sexual standards of the cult that I grew up in; then we will get into my experiences.

  • WHEN the member has sex-

    • Members may NOT under ANY circumstances have any physical contact before marriage. Sex, touching, making-out, kissing, hand holding, ANY physical contact is strictly prohibited. Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Members may not have sex with their married partner when they are on their period. (*This is honestly a very transphobic way to put this; but, this is the view of the cult-not me. WE know that not all women have periods and that some men have periods. They don’t see it this way- hence the transphobia.) The teaching is that "when a *woman is on her period, she is unclean. She isn’t to be touched sexually until she is fully off her period for at least 24 hours. Doing so will result in punishment.

  • HOW the member has sex-

    • Members are NOT allowed participate in any sexual position except missionary. This is what is considered by the cult “the ideal position for childbearing and pleasure”. Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Members are not allowed to participate in oral sex. This is is because the cult sees oral sex as sodomy. They actually define sodomy as “any sexual penetration that is not vaginal.” Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Members are not allowed to participate in anal sex. This is because the cult sees anal sex as sodomy, as well. There is also a lot of homophobia surrounding the idea of anal sex here. Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Married members can *not* rape the member they are married to. Not because raping is morally wrong and absolutely, horrendously, disgusting; but, because “in the eyes of god, a man cannot rape his wife; as she is to be submissive to him, as she is to god.” Not being sexually available to your husband will result in punishment.

    • Members cannot rape other non-members. Not because rape is morally wrong; but, because members cannot have sex with other non-members.

  • WITH WHOM the member has sex-

    • Members of the same sex cannot have sex. This is because of a verse in Leviticus used in the teachings of the cult. Because same sex members cannot get married, they cannot have sex. Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Members and non-members cannot Have sex. Most of the members of the cult grew up in it, so they married other members. (Remember the incestuous tendencies I mentioned in a previous episode?) In some instances a member’s spouse has left the cult; or, only one of the spouses joined the cult to begin with (after they are married- as members CANNOT marry non-members ; and therefore, cannot have sex with them.) In these cases, members and non-members are still not permitted to have sex. They think that if an “unequally yoked” couple (one spouse being in the cult and one not) has sex, that the non-member will try to have “sinful sex”. “Sinful sex” is anything that disobeys the teachings of the cult. Doing so will result in punishment.

    • Members in the church are allowed to get married at any age. Most members who grew up in the cult get married between 13 and 17. These CHILDREN (usually the wife) can marry anyone the pastor approves (we’ll get into that at a later date...), regardless of age. Denying your “pastor’s” wishes for a couple to marry (even if one of the members is under the legal age of consent) will result in punishment.

    • Members are not allowed to have sex with animals. (This is like the ONLY thing I can get behind that they believe.) This is because beastiality is listed in their bible as a sin. Doing so will result in punishment.

• Was I taught and controlled by this as a middle schooler and high schooler? Yes; yes I was. I didn't listen to the screams of the "pastor" and had sex before marriage. Because I was taught from such a young and impressionable age that it doesn't matter how old the man is, as long as you're 1. married 2. not using birth control 3. the man is ultimately satisfied; I lost my virginity to non-members who were at least double my age. (I was 16, the youngest was 32). All I wanted was to be loved and cared for like I thought the couples in the cult where caring for their wives. I had no idea that I was being groomed to be a child bride. I had been told countless times by the "pastor" that I was "too worldly" for any of the young men in the church and that none of them would be interested in a girl who didn't obey her "pastor" and god. So what did I do? I turned to where I thought I could find the same thing; but, with non-members. So when I showed up at this 32 year old man's house (I was friends with him and his wife [who was also 32]) and there was a "Going Away Party" for my virginity (I'm talking cake, balloons, a cookout, the whole 9 yards) and all their swinger friends there to join in. I had no idea that I was about to ultimately be raped by 4 men and 2 women who were all at least 16 years older than me. I had been taught that a man cannot rape a woman; that she is to be sexually submissive. So I just took it. All of it. And cried in the shower afterwards. My legs sore. Blood washing down the drain. Hair up in a messy bun but soaking wet. Because all I wanted to do was wash away the handprints that were left on my body. I had no idea this was wrong. I had been groomed, in the "church" (cult), to believe that the only thing wrong with what just happened was that these were non-members- some women, and I had sex before marriage. I got pregnant that day. I found out a few months later that I had miscarried. And once again, I had been taught that if a woman miscarries, she had obviously done something wrong in the eyes of the lord and she deserves to be punished. This all got very tricky when I realized that I did, in fact, like women. This is seen as one of the worst sins a member can commit. Homosexuality. So I just held all that in. For years. Almost 10 years out of the cult- 6 of those years I've spent in therapy; and, I'm still not healed from the emotional damage that being groomed and then taken advantage of has caused to my mental health. I'm going to say it again. I was a child...

How does this happen? How does a "church" (cult) in your own neighborhood get away with grooming young girls to basically be sexual slaves to the man they marry? Or in my case, 4 men and 2 women they didn't marry? How does the community at large not know this is happening? Because we see these little innocent church girls as sweet young ladies who matured early and are given their parents' and "pastor's" permission- blessing, even, to get married as a young teenager. This is just one story of where the teachings and grooming of the cult set me up to be taken advantage of as a child. We will get into more, soon- I promise.

Do you know anyone who is having their sex life controlled or regulated by someone/a group? Do you have any experiences with someone grooming you or a loved one to be sexually submissive to a man? How can we help these children and women who are victims of sexual abuse by a "church" (cult) or individual? If you or someone you know is experiencing ANY of these things, call me, call the police, call someone who is outside of the group and can offer support and help. I know I wish someone would have reached out to me.

HERE is SAH's list of resources that his organization, Freedom of Mind, has gathered.

https://freedomofmind.com/resource-links/

Please use this information and share it with those who need it. It could save a life.

Until no more children are harmed- in any way, the fire in the sky will burn us to the ground.

-Jezebel Freedom