How I Overcome Anxiety on Date Night

Some things, like date night, can be oh so much fun; especially when it's the 3 of us. However, going up in the cult that taught me that I can't have any pleasure or leisure outside the cult/worship/god/Jesus. I still have issues with finding peace in leisure activities, like date night, when it has been ingrained in me to resist all pleasure not from serving the cult/god. So let me walk you through my night and tell my story as to how I overcame my anxiety while doing something as fun as date night.

I immediately was met with issues when the outfit I picked out to wear didn't fit the way I wanted it to. Despite being told by my partners that I am beautiful, sexy, desirable, and above all else worthy or feeling good in my own skin and clothes, I stomped off and put on something cute, but more more relaxed and comfortable. Basically I went from jeans to leggings. It wasn't until I had realized I hadn't taken my anxiety meds or eaten yet that day, that I took steps to feel better and calm down. Within 20 minutes I was fine. Anxiety: 0 Danielle: 1

For our date night we knew we had a few errands to run and was going get dinner and drive around and look at nice houses in fancy neighborhoods. First stop: pharmacy. Second stop: Purple Haze. At PH we got a few new toys to play with when we get home. It's always fun going in there because their inventory is always changing; and, they've just opened up the back half of the store (which basically doubles their inventory).

We headed out to Cheddars (Mack's choice for dinner), and were quickly sat down in a cozy large booth back by the bar. One thing I like about going out for date night on a weekday is that you generally don't have the same crowdedness that you have on the weekends. I know this doesn't always work out for everyone; however, everyone in our nesting polycule is self employed. So, days of the week and time of day are rather arbitrary. We like to spend our weekends at home and have friends over, so date night on a weekday is better for us in that regard as well. Anywhooooooo, the waiter came over and took our order and I so badly wanted a good, cold, crunchy salad before my meal; however, I forgot to order it when it was my turn. My anxiety flared up and I told myself, "you aren't allowed to have the salad because you didn't order it when it was your turn!" And you know what I did? I literally mumbled shut the fuck up... and I ordered my salad at the end of everyones' order. I wasn't telling myself or anyone around me to shut up, I was telling all the restrictions that I've had around food while growing up in a cult and then again in abusive relationships later in life to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Order. The. Salad. Anxiety: 0 Danielle: 2

Lastly, we did what Baby had requested, which was to drive around fancy neighborhoods and look at nice houses (yes, this is something we do frequently). As we were traveling and I was vaping and smoking, I got to coughing REALLYYYYYYY bad. So bad that it triggered a migraine from the oxygen deprivation. I thought, I'll tough it out. No need to say anything. Until we started down a windy road on the outskirts of Lexington and I finally spoke up. My partners were very kind and understanding and we headed home. About every 30 seconds I was asking them if I had ruined our night or if they were upset with me. Every answer was a firm but kind "No." After many deep breaths and some time to rest, the migraine subsided and I realized that I second guessed myself when I took control over my anxiety in the car. So: Anxiety .5 Danielle: 2.5

I say all of this to say that you should most definitely look anxiety in the face every time it rears it's ugly head and say, "FUCK YOU!!!!" Damn is it hard; and, damn if it ain't frustrating. But damn; when you win, is it oh so worth it.

-Jezebel