Main Series Kitty BITE Back Episode 6: MIND YOUR MOTHER-FUCKIN' BUSINESS BITCH, LTNNHB 2+2 DNWTFIIB

Hey Jellyfish! Last week’s episode was very hard to get through. I relived some personal trauma with that one; but, I’ve committed to myself that I am going to get through this; for ME, for YOU, and for the THOUSANDS of women (and men) out there who are being controlled by cults in our own small towns. So... I’m back! I’m here! I needed a good rest after that last episode; but, HERE WE GO BABY! YOU KNOW HOW WE DO!

*CUE MUSIC*

”THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!”

https://youtu.be/0hiUuL5uTKc

The 4th component of Behavioral Control as described by SAH in the BITE Model is: “Control types of clothing and hairstyles”. This is the one that, I think, is the most commonly noticed by outsiders (non-members). We all see the women in their long skirts, hair in a bun, long sleeves; the men in long pants, long sleeves, short hair, no facial hair. We see them; but what is the extent of the clothing and hair style standards of the “church” (cult) that I grew up in?

TAKE A LOOK

STORY TIME!

• When I was in the church, every aspect of my life was controlled. The most noticeable aspect was how my clothing, hairstyles, and adornments were controlled. What were the standards exactly? HERE WE GO!

Clothing, Hairstyles, and Adornments Standards

•All women must wear a skirt that comes to at LEAST mid calf/shin when in a seated position.

•Men are only allowed to wear full length pants (no shorts or capris pants).

•Men and women can only wear shirts that come past the elbow, up to their collar bone, and are not tight, see through, or form-fitting.

•Women must wear pantyhose, have their hair up off their neck and back, and cannot wear open toed shoes to church.

•Women cannot cut their hair for ANY reason. (This includes trims.)

•Men’s hair cannot be longer than a half inch, cannot touch their ears, and cannot have sideburns.

•Men cannot have ANY facial hair (this includes stubble.)

•Men and women cannot dye their hair for any reason.

•Women cannot wear any makeup for any reason. (This includes makeup done to your corpse for a funeral service.)

•Women cannot paint their nails, have acrylic nails, or any other adornment.

•Women can only wear cotton, solid color (no black), full brief underwear and either a white or nude full coverage, no padding, brassiere that clasps in the back- cannot be strapless (And trust me, the pastor will find out if you wear "sinful undergarments".)

•Women can only swim in private pools with other church women. They cannot wear a bathing suit. They have to wear a dark-colored, long-sleeved, cotton shirt and a floor length skirt. Men can only swim in private pools with other church men. They cannot wear swim trunks. They must wear full length pants and a dark-colored, long-sleeved, cotton shirt. Men and women cannot swim together under any circumstances.

•You cannot have any tattoos. If you join the church with tattoos you are expected to have them removed at your own cost.

•No one is allowed to wear jewelry, this includes a wedding band and engagement ring. This also includes metal watches. Watches can be plastic, rubber, or leather.

• I have a few very distinct memories of how clothing, hairstyles, and adornments were controlled while I was in the cult. I remember one time, a member of the church who was approximately 10 years older than me and I were stood up side by side in front of the group. My hair was up but it was messy. (Picture curly, ass length hair, so thick you can't wrap your hand around it, up in whatever kind of bun I could manage after being at school and then having marching band practice.) Her hair was much shorter than mine. She had just joined the church. Her hair was messy, but not like mine. So what did the "pastor" do? He pointed out to the whole group that someone who had just joined "had more conviction to follow the standards of the 'church' than [I] did". I was 15 at the time. I remember crying silently and hoping no one saw. Hoping that one day I could escape all this and just exist without judgment. (But that day didn't come for a very long time.) This was common in the group. Having members stand up and be compared based on how well their appearance reflected the standards set forth by the "pastor". Now, here is where it gets a little darker- actually, much darker. Women were only allowed to wear full brief, cotton, solid colored underwear. If the "pastor", for whatever reason he may have, thought that you had on "sinful undergarments", he'd tell his wife to escort you to the bathroom. While in the bathroom she would have you take off your skirt/pantyhose (for suspected "sinful underwear") and shirt and undershirt (for suspected "sinful brassieres") to expose your undergarments. She would inspect your undergarments and then report back to her husband, the "pastor" with her findings. He would then, in front of the group, have you come up to the front to be ridiculed and prayed for. These prayers consisted of pouring oil on you, shaking you, screaming in your face and ears about how there is a demon trying to get ahold of you. At this point, women in the church would come and pray over you. (Notice I said WOMEN of the church. {Men only prayed with men and women with women} Because this ONLY happened to the young women and teenage women.) This happened to me on several occasions. One time I had just gotten a new bra. It was black and made of thicker material (ya know, because I have big boobs and am fat). The "pastor" suspected that I had on a padded bra. During the 30 minutes of prayer before the service, he told his wife to inspect me in the bathroom. I reluctantly followed her to the women's bathroom where, at 14 years old, I was forced to remove my shirt and undershirt to reveal my bra and bare body. She felt my breasts to determine if the bra was padded. I stood there; as silent as Chernobyl is today. I was violated. I was being groped by a woman in her 50's so she could report her findings to her husband, who was also in his 50's- for reference. Fast forward about 45 minutes: I was being called to the alter to repent for my sins of wearing a "sinful brassiere". His wife has concluded that the extra material, did indeed, make the bra padded; and, that the color was considered worldly, "because black undergarments elicit sexual actions". So by now I am just broken. I'm 14, standing at the alter facing the "pastor", crying because I know I'm about to be violated even more by being publicly humiliated for simply wearing a bra with extra support in the only color they had in my size at the store. I knew that no one in the audience would be of any help to me. No one was going to speak up on my behalf; and, if I spoke up, my punishment would be even worse. That night people pushed and shoved on me so hard. I was pummeled to the ground, pulled on me until my clothes were stretched out, and shook me until my hair fell completely down. I just closed my eyes and curled up into a ball at the lip of the alter; because at least if my head was wrapped up in my arms and pressed against the floor, I didn't have to watch them; and, I wouldn't have to fake praying for repentance. I remember screaming into the carpet- LOUD; my hot breath making the fibers dewy as I screamed until I blew a blood vessel in my eye. At the time I was like, great, this busted blood vessel will be a reminder of this horrible experience for a few weeks. Little did I know that every time I feel air conditioning on my bare chest and back, it would send me into a panic attack. Little did I know that to this day I don't really wear a bra because the clasps on the back itch like they did when I was being fondled in the bathroom by the "pastor's" wife. I didn't know that I would have a fear of going into public bathrooms alone for the next decade. I'm going to say it again, because my 14 year old self deserves it, I was a child...

Do you or anyone you know have any similar stories? Have you or anyone you love been controlled with what you can wear, how you have your hair, or the adornments on your body? Do you know people that this is happening to? I'm sure you do! We all do! They work with us, we pass by them and smile in the grocery store, they volunteer in your children's classrooms. They are out there, being preyed on; and some, preying on others.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing any of these harmful and controlling rules/regulations, reach out to someone. You can call, email, or message me, a friend, the police, someone outside of the group. GET HELP, please.

HERE is SAH's list of resources that his organization, Freedom of Mind, has gathered.

https://freedomofmind.com/resource-links/

Please use this information and share it with those who need it. It could save a life